I was searching. I mean spiritually. Wishing to sew the holes of my heart. I had failed. Failur an define your life. Undermine your confidence. And lessen your self worth. Which you struggl o fathom yourself in my case most of the time.

Life can be cruel. Sometimes self doubt and our inner critic can play havoc and shatter th eeble hope of finding success.

Dreams have different colors and shapes and sizes. In my case I had no roadmap, no clarit aybe only my parents thought about my future and they like all other parents tried to pin thei opes aspirations and dreams onto me.

But I was a rudderless boat floating without a plan.

So it was not a surprise when I landed on the ground with a painful thud.

Life as a child had been cosy comfortable and protected. But the cocoon had to shatter.

I had to face the world. The ugly relentless oh so hurrying world , a world which was running ace the never ending race.

And here I was wondering and marvelling at my being such a drastic misfit.

Let's start from the beginning.

l was average in studies.

But I really liked going to school.

I loved my books.

All my school books.

Especially the Science ones.

They intrigued me.

Books thrilled me they still do.

Then I loved the library classes.

I used to bury myself in the Enid Blyton series.

I just devoured the stories and the morals they taught little children like me. I still remember tha t said do a little good deed each day .

I found it impressive and profound.

So my childhood and teen years were full of care and I felt carefree until now.

Everything remains easy until you have to earn your bread.

Only then you are jolted out of your slumber.

I often wonder. What is the purpose of life.

Earning for your needs and trying to be useful to your immediate surroundings.

Trying to be kind and gentle around strays cats and dogs and squirrels and crows an utterflies.

As we already have a lot of ruthlessness and violence and blood all around and my heart is fe p of all this gore and dumbness.

Suddenly my phone rang and I came out from my deep thoughts.

The call was from my school.

Preeti my school coordinator told me that all teachers had to report tomorrow early morning for ew session meeting.

I wouldn't say life was hard or life had been unfair but yes life had been unpredictable an ometimes too slow or too fast.

There was something lacking what it was I had no idea .

On that note I got up for a quick shower.

My dream of becoming a surgeon broke, wanted to be a writer but it did not fetch mone eaching was enjoyable and satisfying.

But life and its demands are neverending and my heart was never drawn to money. Never th ess money is important and no one can deny this.

Last week I celebrated my fortieth birthday. Thanks to facebook I received a lot of birthda ishes. Some were from my school friends. As I was scrolling one of my friends profile I sa he had posted as a member of animal rescue team. I thought what a noble cause immediately

I had a strong desire to start something like this from my end, even if it was a small tiny start. ould not join her as she was living abroad but I could ask her to guide me .

I knew my family would support me in this.